Monkey Kayak Storage, or MacGuyver Would Cry.

I'm guessing that this Monkey Solution is not up to current California Earthquake Code.
But at least the damn thing is no longer hanging at my exact head height, taking up half the garage, and spilling sand all over your face when the wind sways it the slightest bit and some earthly force compels you to look straight up at it.

BTW - does anyone want a kayak? It's yours for 100 bucks or best offer. You pick the thing up. And get it off that shelf somehow. Without breaking my shit.

Monkeys After a Holiday Meal

On thanksgiving, Monkeys can be useful for:

- Setting the table. Give them each some type of silverware and tell them where it goes in relation to the plate. They look hot while they walk around in circles putting the stuff down, mumbling "Fork Left". There's just something mmmmm about men doing domestic stuff...

- Bird temperature - You get stuck with all the prep work...buttering, nasty innards removal, butter rubbing, stuffing.
Let the monkeys handle the meat temperature. They're into that stuff. And you can blame them if it's overcooked.
BTW - 160 won't kill you. And you can always put the drumsticks back in. Or have your monkey do it.

-Bird carving- Let your monkey try it once with a crappy "I'm a bachelor that splurged on a  $79 knife block set " knife.
Then parade him past the great knife selection at Williams Sonoma, and your local Tuesday Morning / Ross/ Marshall's / Home Goods.
Wipe his drool. 
Monkey will naturally want a better tool.
And to buy you a cool paring or santoku knife since he's getting such a great discount, and has been enlightened.

Clean Up- Sit back and relax. You probably won't eat until everyone is halfway done anyways. The exciting news is that Monkeys can be given simple tasks like wash, rinse, dry, inspect, and put away. The Put Away part is admittedly tricky, and you'll probably have to step in and direct. While sipping spiked mulled cider, with your feet up on the couch. 

Welcome to Training Your Monkey

Since moving in with the handsome wonderful fiance, I've noticed a few more Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus type things. Some are funny. Some are a bit frustrating. But luckily, most can be handled with good old fashioned open communication, and a little bit of monkey training.
Men are monkeys.
Women kind of are too, but not so much.
Monkeys can be shown something repetitively, see how it benefits them, and then do it.
But they remember more quickly when you Equate it to Their Penis.

I first stumbled upon this phenomenon when I was attempting to show my monkey how to sort the towels.
One pile for bath towels.
One for washcloths.
One for hand towels.
(Slightly glazed look) 
One for kitchen towels.
One for cleaning lady towels.
(Monkey trying to find a tv to look at) 
One for cloth napkins.
Simple enough?
(Monkey completely lost interest)

This seems perfectly reasonable, and sortable to me.
But to men, cloth towel looking things are all towels.
And get folded in half. And then in half again.
And put into the same jenga-like pile.
On the floor.

I've listened to the advice to Pick my Battles, and thought, what is the Most Important Thing here?
The answer - get those nasty, dirt & cleaning solution soaked, cleaning lady towels far away from the rest of our laundry.
And anything that might touch my face.
Or the monkey's penis.

So I put permanent red X's on their labels.
And told my fiance that if those towels  touch his body, it will get itchy with polluted chemicals, I won't be able to touch him, and his penis might fall off.
And if they get mixed into the rest of our towels, they might get polluted.  
And his penis might fall off.

I'm pretty sure I sounded like the Charlie Brown lady to him" WahWahWahWah...Penis Might Fall Off...WahWahWah..Red X"

But guess what...our towels are now mostly properly washed and sorted.
Cleaning lady Red X Penis Damaging Towels go into the washer separately. And get folded separately. Amazing.
Thank you Mr Penis.

Now, if only I can figure out a way to address the pantry & cupboard.
Dishes and bowls are apparently the same thing to a monkey, regardless of color or size.
I'm going with the "Close enough" motto to preserve my sanity.
But I'm sure he can do better without me seeming like a crazy OCD person.

On a positive note- our garbage disposal recently broke, and the monkey was told...flush it with COLD water for 15 seconds after you use it, or your penis might fall off.
Or the sink monster will come up and eat your penis.
He doesn't remember the details. I'm pretty positive.
But when he turns on the faucet, he goes to cold for a long time because he remembers something about his penis.
Mission Accomplished.
And he looks hot doing domestic stuff.